Has or Have

So its 2011, twenty eleven. How nuts is that, Humankind is still here just about. Nostradamus was wrong, the millennium bug is ten years out of date and ‘death by asteroid’ theories seem to have gone out of fashion. Looking back over the last decade however it’s been pretty dull. Look at the 20^th century, Within 70 years we went from men pratting about with wood and canvas to a man on the moon. A computer the size of a billiard table to an Iphone. I think there’s been a slowing down, the laziness of the Nintendo generation has halted progression….

..what I’m trying to say is,

“I want the bloody hoverboard I was promised!”

By 2011 H.G wells and Arthur C. Clarke were envisaging space colonies and unparalleled travel, attacks from Martians no less. What do we have on the virgin week of the second decade of the new millennium…?

….Justin Bieber.

Jam jars are still a pain to open,

And after fifteen years, or more, of knowing how bad chicken nuggets are for us, we are still shovelling them into our filthy mouths. So I say;

“ey! Scientists, forget telling smokers how quickly there going to kill themselves, I want a fucking lightsaber before I’m thirty!”

Enough moaning though, My first day of the new year was spent snoozing in the sun, on the back of a flatbed trailer in the middle of a sheep paddock. Post Full English! The finest hangover cure ever devised. Although up most of new year’s eve, watching a led zeppelin covers band, the dawning of 2011 was a pretty laid back affair. The holiday period has been a tiring one and I was more grateful of a lie in over a bucks fizz. Berries are the order of the day for a NZ Christmas and manning the roadside stall here at the berry farm has become a tad monotonous, although, it has been punctuated by the odd character and an infamous word game. I came up with the idea of throwing ridiculous words into the sales patter, whilst trying to flog berries. Its unbelievably addictive and more interestingly, pretty easy. The man and woman on the street has a one track mind come xmas time. I recon we could have got away with far more risqué phrases than we did. Ellla a fellow wwoofer, tried to drop Alice Cooper into convo and failed miserably, blurting out into hysterics almost immediately. Ben faired better he managed to squeeze Sasqwatch, ball sack and toe fungus in. My gold top word was foreskin. An old dear and an even dearer old chap turned out to buy their xmas berries.

“Nice day” I welcomed

“Lovely” She replied

“Now you do know these berries are very good Fore-skin.” I exclaimed completely straight faced.

The old lady, unphased, replied;

“We know, full of antioxidants, keeps things from sagging…ha”

By this time id managed to stifle the inevitable eruption of laughter. Ben however was creased double at the back of the stall shaking like a man possessed. The couple left happy with their purchase, and their xmas chit chat, with a couple of friendly stall holders!

We laughed, aloud.

For two hours.

The roadside stall in itself is in an interesting place, a real people watching centre. It’s on a main thoroughfare between Hastings and Havelock North. Two towns that couldn’t be, on face value, further apart. My first impressions of Hastings, when I arrived on a dank November eve, were pretty grim. By daylight, Softened by the summer sun they are improving…slightly. It’s a grid iron, one storied town, although in terms of human inhabitation its relatively modern, it feels old. The central street is transacted by odd, one way streets and car parks, that serve the usual big superstores. An Ice cream kiosk sidles near a pet shop, sandwiched between a DIY store and a Subway. The latter still has faint daubings of xmas lettering on its windows. Hastings redeeming factor is that it feels lived in, it has a history, things have happened here. Hard working faces and a railway line prove it.

Havelock North however is known as ‘the village’ to locals, it has coffee shops and the most BMW x5’s I’ve ever seen. Juicy women drive Fat cars and lick Sticky sweet residue from their forearms. A remnant from local Hawkes bay stonefruit, bought hastily on the go. These ladies rush around..but only to pick up the kids. Its main nightspot is known as Diva…it’s the most aptly named bar in the universe! I shouldn’t take a swipe at either town however, they have been my home for the last few months. I just treat them like you might two friends with differing interests. If, like me you need a piece of hard to find plastic to attach to the dashboard of your car. Go talk to men in Hastings. Risotto rice, it’s a Havelock thing.