Previously I mentioned about the theory of Culture Shock, I’m sure now a month in I’ve moved on from the honeymoon stage and am now starting to pick fault with my new adopted culture. The first and finest example came yesterday, after a cracking morning’s fishing in Paihia.

(For you none fisher folk I will describe this trip later)

I made my way back to Keri and called in the local supermarket for a few bits, namely a six pack of mac’s sassy red!

Mac's beer NZ

As I got to the counter a young man, and I’m being kind here, he could have been no older than 14! Asked me for ID, now I can’t blame this chap, he was merely doing his job but what I am about to blame is not only the shit supermarket policy but the arse of a manager that accompanied it. I duly whipped out my Driving licence only for the bulldog sucking a nettle faced mangeress to exclaim,

“I’m sorry we can’t accept this, its foreign”

“ok” I replied 

“what else would you like to see”

In her Android like tone

“Passport / NZ driving licences only”

"Well’ I’m sorry but I only have this and my passport is back at my lodgings surely you as the manager can use your discretion?”

Pointing at my face as I stood there in fishing attire, woolly jumper et al, and the best beard I could muster.

“evidently I’m not 17!”

 “Passport / NZ driving licences only….. sir”

(sir oooooh doesn’t that piss you right off)

“Ok I see your point but like I said this is all I have and has been accepted bef…”

She broke me off

 “Sorry you can’t have heard me…. Passport / NZ driving licences ONLY”

All sincerity went out of the window now..the queue behind was starting to build and murmur, it was labour weekend, Bank holiday Saturday, the place was packed with a crowd dying to get to the beach!

“look love( a nice touché for the sir bit!) I can legally drive a motor vehicle in this country, with this piece of plastic, it has my face AND date of birth on it, what more do you need”

“it’s a foreign licence”

“A FOREIGN LICENCE I am practically in the uk, I could understand if it was a screwed up paper licence from Burkina Faso or somewhere, but surely all the info you require, to buy six beers is here.” 

She was having none of it but by this time the entire population of KeriKeri was being held up by this moaning POHM at the till, It was great. I then played the trump card..

..”are you the highest manager on duty..”

“well er no but I can..

(I cut her off)

“I want to see the BOSS”

“Ok well could you just move to one side so that these people could be served.”

“No I don’t think so, I want to get cracking as well. how long will the manager be, the shops only 5 tills long?”

By this time I think the young chap serving, had gone out the back to hang himself, or was taking copious amounts of drugs as he withered with embarrassment under the till seat.

She marched up with an equally sourfaced manager, barging around like the two fat slags from Viz.

“my collegue has explained the problem to me and unfortunately I cannot serve you alcohol with this ID.”

“forget the ID, now as the general manager surely it is down to your discretion….

At this point, the queue behind were agreeing with me, I not only had an audience but supporters!

“give him his beer”          "you tell her son"             "let the pohm have his drink"

“YEA.. Just let him buy his piss and let’s all go home”

Bob Dylan had arrived and set up a small protest movement in the car park…Ok well maybe not …

“I’m sorry, them's the rules" she said.....

" but you can still buy your other things”

"No thanks," I replied

"Your policy is a farce and I won’t shop here again, thank you for your time.”

Twenty minutes had gone by and I Ieft the neatly stacked bags right on the till,  I passed Miss Trunchbull and headed out of the door.

I left with a feeling of smugness and slight regret, The fact that I had held up their day, and had given them something to talk about in the canteen maybe, but a slight regret, in the fact that I am almost certainly turning into my dad!!!

I crossed the road to the liquor store where amazingly I picked up the said beers for a special offer price! What’s even better was as I stopped at the small grocery shop next door, I was greated with great service and a choice of ‘out of date’ veg at rock bottom price. In far better condition, may I add, than the ones on sale that day in the NEW WORLD(shitty supermarket, just for good measure) outlet.

(I will now commence with a slightly boring description of a fishing trip, If that doesn’t float your boat or if you would not like to know the results look away now.”)

 It was a cracking morning In the bay of Islands for my first ever boat fishing trip at sea, flat calm. It took me some time to work out which was bluer the sea or the sky! We set out, only myself and an older Aussie guy Jim on board. As the skipper and his mate baited our rods, I daydreamed over a monster of the deep grabbing the line… I cast out hoping for at least,the first fish of the day. Within minutes Fabian the deck hand was in, then me, then Jim as quick as that, working our way round the boat,  a couple of nice fish for tea and a few to go back. We had a slack hour or so but I was pleased with the four fish I had caught, Jim however scooped the fish of the day, a wonderful snapper and a decent couple of Porae to go with it. It had been a great morning’s fishing and I have to thank John at the Marlin Court motel, Paihia, for organising me a place on board. Not only that but for his sage advice, as regards to KIWI driving…but that’s for another day.