So, i gets on this plane right..

Boiled sweets, a pack of cards and a newspaper was all i thought I had for entertainment as I stepped on the flight from Manchester. What I failed to realise as I sat down was millions of passengers have been in this situation before and been entertained wasn't something I would be short of. Its a tad disconcerting when a 8inch screen in the back of a seat, contains more films than I own! Plus a back catalogue of albums John Peel would be proud of. Suitably brought into the twenty first century I hastily shoved my day trip to Scarborough entertainment into my bag, and settled down to sucking Yorkshire mixtures whilst playing space invaders, listening to Led Zeppelin and laughing at the woman in front, who had yet to work out what to do with the warm hand towel.....Twas to be a long flight. As we reached a decent altitude, drinks were brought around, out of politeness I settled with a coke, politeness and ignorance, as I didn't realise alcohol was also free(you can take a man out of Yorkshire....) This mistake was never made again, although the greatest mistake I made, as anyone who has been on any length of journey, with a few pints in them will understand, the toilet is always the next port of call. The problem is when you've got a chap at the side of you who looks a cross between Bernard Manning and the chef bloke out of pie in the sky, with the temperament of Harold Shipman. The last thing you want to be doing is nudging him every five minutes.  I would have to wait....time ticked by and the more I flicked the entertainment channels the worse it got....
Music.....
Select...
rainy night in Georgia...
...get off this I'll put the National Geographic channel on, surely that will bore me off the need to urinate....
(queue dramatic Documentary music)
 "tonight on Discovery in partnership with Emirates....The building of a hydro electric dam in Canada...see the gallons of water gush through this amazing structure, look how masses of water......" 
Fuck this!
I turned to see the portly chap nodding off, I didn't care, excuse me sir, I almost knocked him into the aisle. "aha a week bladder I see"to which I should have replied "aha high cholesterol and the waistband of a hippo I see." I was in no mood for fraternizing, and nor should he have been unless he wanted his hand sewn Prada flight bag filling with piss. I made it, in the nick of time. Suitably relieved I returned to my seat, tired by the ordeal and the ever quickening darkness outside, I nodded off....